About
The wound of unworthiness — my deepest wound. My greatest gift.
From Performance To Presence
Art is surrender
Softest skin
Coldest heart
Darkest kin
Would love still have found me?
Had I surrendered to all within?
This program exists because I spent most of my life performing warmth while frozen inside, convinced that if anyone saw what was actually underneath the mask — the emptiness, the cold heart beneath the soft skin — it would destroy whatever love I'd managed to create. My own mask was my greatest deceiver.
Is the me right now healed from all of this? No. But the me of right now is aware. I see the patterns. I mostly know where they come from and how they express themselves. And I see that, over time and with much dedication, these programs and patterns do fade. Yet, eliminating them is not the point.
Equanimity. Awareness. Impermanence.
This is the point.
I spent the past six years preparing my nervous system before sitting for ten days in silence. Qigong. Breathwork. Cold exposure. Shadow work. Gene Keys contemplation. “Failed” relationships. Alan Watts. Taoist philosophy. Shamanism. Month after month of practices that didn't feel like they were building anything — until my body began to heal. Auto-immune diseases fell away. I sensed the return of my concentration and clarity.
I didn’t realize all those years, but I was actually building the foundation to face myself in silence.
When I finally sat for my Goenka 10 day vipassana retreat, the dissolution happened. The masks shattered. The unworthiness wound — the belief that my real nature destroys love — revealed itself as both wound and gift. What remained was recognition: I am the mountain. Weather moves across me, yet I do not crumble.
That is why GMTV exists. To compress those six years into twenty-six weeks for you. To build capacity before dissolution, not during it. And to help bring you home to yourself.
To further understand my journey, I have written a long bio about my life called: My Journey to Vipassana
(20+ min read)
Who This Work is For
This work serves people preparing for Goenka vipassana retreats who recognize: intellectual understanding ≠ somatic readiness.
If you have considered registering for a vipassana style meditation retreat and want to arrive prepared with a foundation in place.
You value systematic preparation over spiritual performance.
You understand that “boring” repetitive practices build capacity that dramatic peak experiences can't.
You're not seeking transformation — you're preparing for dissolution.
You're not looking for someone to save you — you're ready to do the work yourself with companionship.
You're willing to sit with emptiness, examine your shadows, stay with discomfort, and build capacity week by week.
This isn't for everyone. It's for people who are ready to stop performing and start surrendering to what's actually within.
awakening is a series of softenings
yet the mountain does not move
understanding all is empty
softens master, nothing to prove
enlightened song singing of empty
there is nothing to do
for to do is not empty
frightened song sings to me and to you
My path to this work
Hello, my name is Ryan. This work didn't emerge from theory or lineage transmission. It came from six years of systematic practice — sometimes chaotic spiritual seeking — across multiple disciplines. Four months training in China and Thailand. Breathwork with James Nestor. Shamanic studies. Gene Keys. Human Design. Cold exposure. Daily qigong. And then ten days sitting in silence where it all came together and showed me my purpose - to prepare people by strengthening their nervous system to receive the full transmission that vipassana meditation offers.
Vipassana:
Goenka 10-Day Vipassana Course (Dhamma Geha, Bali, December 2025)
Somatic & Energy Work:
Qigong & Tai Chi: Four months intensive training (Thailand, China, Bali) across multiple lineages— Wu style, Wudang Style, Yang style (May 2023 - present)
Breathwork: Week-long retreat with James Nestor (author of Breath), ongoing Wim Hof Method practice (2020-present)
Cold Exposure: Consistent practice since 2020, built and maintained personal ice bath home protocol in repurposed chest freezer
Shamanic Studies: Foundation for Shamanic Studies (FSS Asia), two months of intensive core shamanic trainings completed under Kevin Turner (with only the drum as our guide, no plant medicine) - Bali, 2024
Consciousness Frameworks:
Human Design: 2/4 Manifestor with Splenic Authority (living the experiment)
Gene Keys: Deep study and personal application of Richard Rudd's system
Taoism: Eva Wong (Becoming Taoist) & Deng Ming-Dao (Scholar Warrior: An Introduction to the Tao in Everyday Life)
Shadow Integration: David Hawkins' Letting Go techniques, Richard Rudd’s Gene Keys
Deep study across consciousness frameworks, embodiment practices, and spiritual philosophy. Key texts that informed this work:
Bessel van der Kolk (The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma)
James Nestor (Breath)
Anodea Judith (Eastern Body, Western Mind)
Richard Rudd (The Gene Keys)
Benebell Wen (I-Ching, the Oracle)
David Hawkins (Letting Go, Power vs. Force)
Adyashanti (Healing the Core Wound of Unworthiness)
Alan Watts (The Wisdom of Insecurity)
Rasha (Oneness)
comprehensive study in Taoist philosophy, chinese medicine, qigong literature, shamanic practice texts, and Human Design frameworks.
What this means for you:
I'm not a master. I'm someone who walked this path, built the capacity my nervous system needed, sat through the dissolution, and came back knowing: the preparation matters. That's what I'm offering. Not guru wisdom, but companionship through what I've already walked.