My Journey to Vipassana

THE ORIGINAL TRAUMA - BEING BORN

Read Time: 20+ mins

They say being born is our biggest trauma. None of us escape it.

My birth was probably like yours then — traumatic. Born in a small mountain town called Reno, Nevada. First child to a mother and father most would say were too young to be parents. But those were the times, and those were the expectations.

The stage was set.

There was a lot of trauma in my youth. Much conditioning in the country I grew up in. All of it installed a core belief that I most likely entered this world already carrying in my DNA:

Unworthiness.

The wound that would become my greatest gift, once I finally learned to stop running from it.

ORIGINS OF A WOUNDED HEALER

My parents divorced when I was eight. My mother remarried when I was nine. At eleven, I was adopted — last name changed from Kennedy to Wilson.

I didn't know how to explain this to my classmates, so I didn't. I did what I was designed to do: kept it to myself. Just one of many things I'd begin hiding. Not just from others — from myself as well.

I became estranged from my father's side. Lost connection to that ancestral line. Felt like I didn't belong anywhere — not even in my own family.

The resentment ran deep. I kept it locked inside as a show of strength. Be there for a single mother and younger brother. Don't show emotion. For this, I was praised.

Somehow I survived all that pressure. Not without consequence.

By some miracle, I made it through school in relatively fair shape. Awkward teen. Deep insecurities about my body. Zero social skills.

Early life was a very Americana existence — riding bikes to school, baseball in the front yard, sagebrush adventures out back. Pyramid schemes (Amway). Processed foods from cans. Singing in Born Again Christian churches scattered around town.

Family struggles with money, careers. My adopted father and mother gave everything to raise us. I see the sacrifices now. I'm grateful — even if I've only recently learned how to express it.

I'm fortunate. It could have been worse.

But I can step back now and see the conditioning. The subtle manipulation convincing me my existence was shameful. That being myself was dangerous. That hiding behind a mask and performing was how you earned love.

High school became college — bachelor's degree from the University of Nevada, Reno. I found effective ways to numb pain and hide anxiety.

Alcohol.

After college I barreled into adulthood, still a child in many ways. Never used the degree. Followed a friend into the energy utility industry instead. Stayed seventeen years.

Most of my early adulthood, I felt like an imposter. Work was above my head. Pretended just well enough not to get fired. Nursed hangovers every day. Directionless. Purposeless. Living a lie.

I had friends. Even had a girlfriend I thought I loved deeply — until that ended in prolonged trauma neither of us knew how to navigate.

Relationships were never something I could cultivate healthily. Crippling anxiety masked by alcohol and cannabis. Surface -level existence. Prone to never letting anyone in.

The anxiety was undetected most of my life. When it finally became too much — supervising teams, speaking engagements, leading people — I resorted to medication. Propranolol daily. Xanax for speaking.

I witnessed firsthand what dependence looks like. What happens when you treat symptoms without addressing the root.

Not the way.

THE BAY AREA DAYS

At twenty-seven, I met a Canadian woman who somehow felt I was worthy of attention.

After a year and a half of long-distance dating, I followed this love to San Francisco. She became my ticket out of my hometown — an unhealthy place I would never have left on my own.

We married in 2012 at a beautiful winery in Healdsburg, CA, surround by family and friends. Our marriage would last eleven years.

We had a nice life. Drama - free, mostly. Best friends. But neither of us were particularly intimate. I was numbing so much the pain that I had not yet faced. I never thought about it at the time — so much of my childhood left me craving nourishment, but intimacy was the very thing I hid from my entire life.

I loved her dearly, still do, but I couldn't see the patterns back then. My marriage suffered because of this.

I had walls around my heart and never really knew how thick they truly were.

We made good money. Traveled often. Ate and drank incredible things. Had two fluffy cats. Supported by loving family and friends. The life our parents were proud of. A life we were proud of.

We decided not to have kids. More freedom to travel — though living in America, we only had 2-3 weeks vacation per year.

In 2017, we traveled to Thailand. First time in Asia. When we returned, we were changed.

We decided to get out of debt. Save money. Travel the world.

Life was too short. We were no longer satisfied living the "ideal life" so many Americans felt pressured into.

We needed to escape.

So we did.

THE GREAT ESCAPE

January 2020. We left our corporate lives behind with $40k savings and zero debt and set off to travel the world.

In our third country - Uruguay - the world changed in an instant.

Covid locked us down.

We were content to ride it out in different accommodations throughout the country. In one of those places — a horse ranch in the middle of the Colonia del Sacramento countryside — I had what I'd call a "spiritual awakening." This became a prominent fork in my road.

A local healer performed a sound healing ceremony. Handmade gong and crystal bowls for an hour while we lay under thick blankets next to a crackling fireplace.

When he finished, he sat us in a circle. Through a translator, he told each of us which chakras were too open, which were blocked, and what that meant for our emotional state.

Deadly accurate.

He told me I was always in my head. Heart blocked. Unable to speak my truth.

He was right.

I had no idea what a chakra was or how he could possibly know these things about me.

But he did.

From that moment on, I was determined to find the answers.

A SELF-TAUGHT JOURNEY OF HEALING

How did he know who I was? How did he know who my wife was?

This was the beginning of Covid. My marriage was suffering — lockdown pressures weren't helping. He knew. He felt it in us.

I was blown away. I needed to know what happened.

So I did what I'd done my whole life: intellectualized it. Went looking for answers in books, podcasts, and on the internet.

June 2020. Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith. I learned about the chakras — how each center relates to emotions, impacts daily life. That book shifted my perspective on spirituality. I started building a self - taught yoga practice. Vinyasa. Yin yoga. Yoga nidra.

August. James Nestor's Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art. Wim Hof method. This would become crucial for managing the crippling anxiety I'd lived with most of my life. Beginning of tackling autoimmune issues — mainly psoriasis.

I began taking cold showers in the frigid water of British Columbia (where we traveled after Uruguay). Practiced religiously. Breathwork and cold exposure. Every single day. Months that turned into years.

Another book became the most important I'd ever read: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

I didn't realize it then, but this was the beginning of my journey back to my body.

Back to myself.

Back into my power.

LIVING IN LAS VEGAS

November 2020. We returned to the United States after ten months abroad. Chose Las Vegas because her parents lived there. We needed somewhere to land and recover.

Life was different. Significant tension everywhere. We knew we didn't want corporate life. We also knew there'd be no traveling for the foreseeable future with Covid lockdowns.

We needed to earn money somehow.

I'd been baking sourdough bread. We thought—why not try to sell it?

So we did.

The health changes I was implementing were beginning to manifest as actually feeling better. Physically and mentally. I had energy to start something new.

We grew the business from home pickup to different farmers markets around Las Vegas. Called it 5098 Bread—an ode to a cow we met in Uruguay.

We developed a cult following. The bread was eventually served at coffee shops, wine bars, a renowned local restaurant in the hip area of the city.

For me, sourdough became my greatest teacher. Taught me how to be calm. How to solve problems with ingenuity. How to be okay with making mistakes. How to finally receive praise and compliments for my hard work — something that had always been difficult.

But while the work was fulfilling, I spent most of those three years alone in my own energy.

It got very lonely.

My personal healing journey continued to evolve. Daily breathwork and yoga. Bought a freezer, sealed it, filled it with water. Sat in ice baths for a year. Built a meditation room. Listened to podcasts about health and consciousness.

I was becoming increasingly curious about my own spiritual development.

April 2022. A particularly shameful performance at a friend's birthday party. Woke up on the couch with a furious wife and a splitting headache.

Last straw.

I quit alcohol cold turkey that day. 

Wrote the date on my bathroom mirror. Vowed never to drink again.

I consider this one of the most significant moments of my entire life.

March 2023. Week-long retreat in Costa Rica with author and personal hero James Nestor. I was awakened to the healing power of qigong.

When I returned to Las Vegas, I knew something fundamental had shifted. I was no longer content with my life. I longed to understand the mysteries of what I'd experienced in Costa Rica.

I'm also quite sure I experienced a Kundalini activation that week. They don't talk about these things at health retreats, but they should. Many people's lives were drastically changed. Many people developed health issues after.

For me, it manifested as increasingly chaotic and destabilizing behaviors and thought patterns. New, powerful energy inside me that I didn't know what to do with.

So I did what I'd always done: looked for more answers in books and podcasts.

I discovered a qigong technique online and began practicing it daily. The method came with an e-book — my first introduction to Taoism and the I-Ching. Ancient Chinese divination text. Also the basis for Human Design and Gene Keys.

Taoism resonated deeply. Immediately. The concept of wu wei, in particular. I discovered Alan Watts. Eastern philosophy in depth. Began seriously contemplating Oneness — completely foreign to me at the time.

The changes were intensifying rapidly. Feeling more energy in my body. Qigong was making me healthier, sharper, and happier.

But after three years running the business, the workload was taking a toll. My body. My mind. My marriage.

June 2023. After eleven years together, my wife and I decided to separate.

My life during this time was very much lived inside my head. My body stuck in a routine that was both fulfilling and incredibly lonely. Fourteen-hour days on my feet mixing, shaping, baking bread. Listening to podcasts and books. Smoking pot to calm in my downtime. Rarely getting outside.

I needed a change. The world was calling.

After the separation, I booked a one-way ticket to Chiang Mai, Thailand.

December 2023. I left the United States behind, searching for answers to the many questions inside my head.

Here we go.

THE GREAT AWAKENING

Fascinating how the universe works. As soon as I made the decision to leave the US, things took a turn for the worse.

My soon-to-be ex-wife was moving on with her life.

I reunited with my younger brother after years of not speaking. Witnessed another manic-depressive episode. Triggered deep wounds — my inability to help him, my powerlessness in the face of his suffering.

That triggered my own breakdown.

Ontological shock. Deep realization that the reality I was living wasn't real. Everything I'd come to believe felt like a lie. Went down rabbit holes. "Conspiracy theories." My acceptance of these "truths," warranted or not, broke my brain temporarily.

Fortunately, a mystic showed up at one of the only farmers markets I decided to work. Offered me reishi mushroom spores. I could see in his eyes that he knew something that would help me.

So I asked this random stranger if he could help me figure out what was happening to me.

He agreed. We met some days later. He helped explain some of what I was experiencing.

That encounter may have saved me from myself.

Other family and friend encounters made me feel increasingly isolated from the world. I had fully retreated into myself. Into my mind. The ticket out of the US couldn't come fast enough.

Finally, the day came.

December 26, 2023. I boarded a plane to Chiang Mai. The adventure I would call "The Great Awakening" began.

In Thailand, answers started to arrive.

Made new friends. Began my tai chi journey. Started feeling myself opening up to female energies again. Maybe finding love again was possible — though opening to intimacy and navigating my deep self-imposed restrictions proved difficult.

Tai chi was becoming a passion. With it, a calling to explore the source of the ancient technique.

China.

I wrote to a YouTube influencer I'd been following. Within hours, I received an email back. There was accommodation available if I wanted to attend his school.

I did.

Got a 3-month visa. Off to China I went.

WUDANG TAOIST WELLNESS ACADEMY

I won't go into much detail about my experience because I’ve written in detail here, here, here, here, and here.

What I will say is this: I was not ready to receive the lessons I could have gained.

I was resistant to the methods. Arrogant. Had issues with authority. Felt I knew far more than I did. Looking back, I see the ego I carried with me.

But one of the most valuable lessons was experience itself.

I visited ancient temples. Breathed the fresh air. Felt the energy of this ancient birthplace of masters. Felt what the cultivation of qi was like in my body during long days of training.

I also learned how dangerous the improper circulation of qi can be.

Second week, I developed splitting headaches. Thought it was caffeine withdrawal. I've since learned I was producing too much qi and not moving it properly. Getting stuck in my upper dantian — the Third Eye chakra location. Wasn't completing the energy circuit required for grounding.

There were no teachers there who would explain this to me.

The instruction left a lot to be desired in those mountains. On top of that, I felt betrayed by the Master.

I'd originally intended to stay three months. But the Master was planning to attend conferences in Europe. Would leave two months into my stay. Never told me this when I arrived, though he knew.

This left me with a choice: stay the last month to train with another teacher who didn't speak English, or look ahead to the next destination?

I chose to leave.

Another spiritual modality was calling.

Shamanism.

FOUNDATION FOR SHAMANIC STUDIES - BALI

I was becoming increasingly interested in shamanism.

I'd been seeking ways to protect myself from the spirit world. Read about the difficulties of encountering negative entities while accessing non-ordinary states of consciousness. Shamanism felt like a way to protect myself.

In Chiang Mai, I'd studied for a few days with a shaman trained by the Foundation for Shamanic Studies. Looked them up to see if I could follow that path. They had a training in Bali around the time I'd be leaving China.

Timing worked perfectly. Booked my ticket. Made my first ever trip to Bali.

I spent the next two months having incredibly powerful experiences that changed my perspective on so much. Built real friendships — with humans in ordinary reality and spirits in non-ordinary reality. Received many answers to many questions.

And yet, through it all, it didn't bring me any closer to understanding what this energy was that courses through our bodies.

This qi.

I still had no idea what it meant to be in my body.

In a way, these trainings were an escape further into the spirit realm. They helped bring many of my shadows to light, but they didn't help me actually process through them.

I felt burned out. First six months of The Great Awakening were enlightening, but I was burning through my money. Wasn't leaving time for integration or joy.

EUROPE - VISITING FRIENDS AND DRIVING ALONE

After two months in Bali, I decided I wanted to visit friends in Germany. Another in Spain. Take a break from learning about the spirit world.

Time to cultivate real-world relationships.

I spent time in Germany, Scotland, Spain, Portugal. Spiritual seeking went on hold. Reconnected with new friends. Discovered beautiful nature. Drove around in a camper van. Went on hikes. Stayed with friends in different countries. Learned how to scuba dive.

Still, I felt discontent. Longing for a relationship. Still had no idea which direction I wanted my life to go.

BACK TO THAILAND TO FIND THE INNER CHILD

After three months in Europe, I decided to return to the much cheaper countries in Asia.

Back to Thailand I went.

I had a new friend living on the island of Koh Phangan. He was in love with the place. Convinced me to come. My friend — whom I'd met in my first shaman training back in Bali — would end up becoming a significant person in my life.

I had yet to know it.

He was the one who would eventually lead me to vipassana.

When I arrived on the island, all I really wanted to do was reconnect to my inner child. Begin having some fun.

Fun is what I found.

Dancing. Psytrance music. Cannabis. Psychedelics. Yoga classes. Waterfalls. I started opening up. Even allowed intimacy to enter back into my life — though I was still quite reserved. Couldn't get out of my head.

I became intimate with someone for the first time in two years.

Significant hurdle. While that encounter didn't go well, it helped open me up to the possibility of receiving and giving pleasure again. The walls were slowly coming down.

This would prove significant.

Looking back, I see how everything aligned to help me achieve my breakthroughs. All done delicately — easing me back into things without causing trauma that would bring the walls back up. The energy released during intimacy can be overwhelming. I needed this gradual reentry.

After two months on the island, I met a Russian girl who would change my life forever.

The story of how we met is long and sacred to me. What I found in her was a friend I could be open with about my struggles. We shared intimate moments as friends without the pressure of a relationship. I'm very grateful for that.

Eventually our friendship blossomed into intimacy, about a week before she was leaving the island.

Had I found "the One"? I was devastated she was leaving. I had to follow her.

So I did — around Thailand for a few weeks, then eventually to the country of Georgia, where she was living.

After a short return to the US to see friends and family, I found myself back in Europe.

I was in love. Everything was perfect! We'd finally found each other in this life. Nothing could go wrong from this point forward.

Or so I thought.

TBILISI, GEORGIA - PROJECTIONS, ATTACHMENT, AND A DOG

Georgia became the spiritual journey I wasn't expecting.

The most significant of my life, thus far.

I quickly discovered I had attachment issues I was completely unaware of.

My new girlfriend had great emotional intelligence. Coached and healed clients. Very sensitive to energies. She'd dealt with attachment issues herself. We shared similar wounds from childhood trauma.

Where we differed significantly: her awareness of these issues and how to manage them in relationships to allow trust, safety, and authenticity to build over time.

In the beginning, I couldn't understand why things were falling apart so fast. I loved her deeply — more than I'd ever loved anyone (my projection). Our meeting felt like destiny. Fate written in the stars. A soul I'd known in previous lives.

Much passion in the beginning. And with that came the shadows.

Intimacy on a deep level releases energy stored in the body. Things we've repressed that we don't even know are there. When it rises to the surface, it demands attention. We can either face these shadows or run and pretend they aren't there.

I tried to face mine. But I wasn't prepared.

I was intellectualizing my way out of my own issues. By doing this, I was continuing to relive them over and over. Kept making mistakes — violating boundaries, my anxious attachment exposing itself. Desperately holding onto a projection of what I thought love was. Spiritually bypassing everything.

Inevitably, distance was needed to manage the trigger loops we found ourselves in. I was creating environments that felt unsafe. Wasn't remaining present as other pressures in my life mounted.

I thought I could read about the enlightened masculine and magically become that. I thought I could read Letting Go by David Hawkins and implement it.

Meanwhile, I was losing all my money in the crypto market. Failing to secure other income. I felt culturally isolated because I wasn't making myself part of the community. Unconsciously looking for her to save me.

It wasn't all bad, of course. I began working with my hands again at a clay studio—beautiful experience. We still took trips around the gorgeous Georgian landscape. Camping in the wilderness. Picking mushrooms. Visiting glaciers. Swimming in the Black Sea.

We rescued a dog on the Black Sea coast. Nursed him back to health. Only to discover a month later that we'd need to euthanize him — he had a puppy disease we weren't initially aware of.

That experience alone - burrying his lifeless body in a beautiful mountain meadow - was one of the greatest teachings of my life. Growing through hardship. Through grief. Beginning to learn how to sit with it and feel it.

But still, no matter how much I was growing, I couldn't understand a key concept my girlfriend kept trying to make me aware of.

"Be in your body," she would tell me.

I grew so frustrated with this. What did she mean?!

Because she'd developed a very sensitive perception of energy, she would know my energetic state before I could. When I was in my head — which was most of the time — I was not being present. My energy was elsewhere.

This translated to her as an unsafe feeling. If I wasn't being present, I couldn't see her in that moment. Couldn't remain present with our feelings in that now.

This is where my projections were coming from. I WANTED things to be okay. My intentions were there. But I was not living my truth in the NOW.

Eventually the time came where we needed true distance. The trigger loops were becoming frequent. While we did repair well, other loops would follow. I can see why now. At the time, I just didn't have the capacity to recognize what I was doing.

The hard decision was made: go out and discover who I really am and what I truly want to do with my life.

Know thyself. This is very important.

I left Georgia feeling betrayed.

I went back to the safety of my dear friend from Thailand. He was on another island this time — Bali.

Back to Bali I would go. Fall into his open arms. Tell him everything I'd learned about relationships.

My time in Georgia was a masterclass. She was my greatest teacher — though that certainly wasn't my intention. I can look back now and say it was the most significant growth I've made on this journey.

BALI - THE ROAD TO VIPASSANA

As I licked my wounds in Bali, the weight of having to figure out what to do with my life was crushing me. I felt so lost — like I couldn't bring myself to do the things I knew I needed to do.

My girlfriend and I still loved each other. Being incredibly mature about the distance, but also cautious — giving each other space to find our respective ways. There was interest in repairing the relationship, but the work I needed to do was with myself.

When I left Georgia, we agreed to remain together. Maybe I'd be back in a month or two. After a month, it was apparent I was still learning how to stop being so triggered.

Slowly, however, I was returning to myself. Feeling calmer. Focusing back on my healthy routines — yin yoga, qigong, breathwork. Making new friends. Dancing again.

Looking back on the previous years of seeking, I could see a pattern. Kundalini activation in Costa Rica that left me chaotic and destabilized. Qi circulation errors in China causing splitting headaches. Shamanic journeying that opened portals I wasn't grounded enough to navigate safely.

I'd been seeking transcendence — peak experiences, mystical states, escape from the ordinary. But transcendence without embodiment is just spiritual bypass.

What I actually needed was the opposite: to finally arrive in my body. To stop fleeing. To be here now.

It was during this time of reflection that my friend, skilled person at reading the room, gently suggested I take a vipassana course.

He'd already done seven sittings himself. While he'd talk a bit about how it helped him grow, he was cautious not to tell me too much. He knew each journey is intensely personal. Experiences vary incredibly from person to person. He didn't want to project any ideas of what I should expect.

To me, the idea of sitting for 10 days with just myself was intimidating. I'd never felt called to sitting meditation. Honestly, I didn't feel I had the disposition to accomplish it.

But I considered it. Sat with the idea. Eventually I began to see that this was something I could do to hold myself accountable.

Integrity.

Integrity had been a recurring theme for me — something I'd violated with myself for most of my life. There were instances during the relationship where I'd compromised my integrity. This brought me great shame. Not matching my words to my actions. Deep source of shame.

What better way to work on this than to tell myself I was going to do this sitting...and then do it?

There seemed to be integrity in that.

So I committed. Filled out the online paperwork. Was accepted.

December 10, 2025. That was the date.

Days before my sitting, I had another experience — I went freediving for the first time in my life.

I'd wanted to do this since reading James Nestor's book Deep many years ago. The instructor was a new friend. I felt called to join her for a unique three-day journey into the deep waters off Amed on the eastern shores of Bali, in the shadows of majestic Mount Agung.

There I faced a primal fear: diving into water so deep I couldn't see the bottom.

I discovered a lot about myself in those three days. Not just because I was learning to calm my mind and hold my breath for extended periods. The program was also a healing program. Powerful techniques to heal trans-generational trauma patterns under the guidance of my teacher, a mystic.

I was also in touch with my girlfriend during this time. Things between us were improving.

That is, until the evening after my deep dive.

On that last day — two days before vipassana — I had a powerful activating meditation with my freediving instructor. Left me feeling very agitated. Upon returning to my villa, I felt I should just sit with the agitation and let it pass. But I also wanted to call my girlfriend. It would be my last opportunity until after my sitting.

The call did not go well.

It left us both with a question: do you want to be with me?

My answer was yes. But I didn't even know what that meant anymore. All I knew was that I needed time to myself. Needed to understand what I truly wanted in life.

And I wanted to finally stop sabotaging myself and my relationships.

The final day before my sitting came with a heavy heart.

I spent my morning ruminating on the past. Wishing I'd been more adventurous sexually. Wishing I could just be honest with myself about my desires. Wishing I could be someone people felt safe around. Someone they could trust. Depend on. Be authentic with. Be present with.

Someone who could just be...ME. Authentically and unapologetically me.

I contemplated my desires, my kinks, my lost experiences as a victim of my own mind. The shame. The restriction. The perception of who I COULD have been, who I SHOULD be.

I carried these thoughts into my vipassana sitting, hoping I could finally resolve these issues that had seemingly plagued me since birth.

Driving north for 30 minutes on my motorbike to the center, I got lost. Hid under a random awning as a river of water gushed down the street and around my bike.

I was arriving in a torrential downpour.

Fitting. Cleansing. Certainly setting a mood.

When the rain stopped, I pulled out my phone and found my way. Arrived — bruised, battered, soaking wet, determination on my mind.

Filled out more paperwork. Handed my phone to a kind Russian volunteer. Walked past a smiling guy dressed in white. Kept my eyes down and mouth shut. Laid in my tiny room for a few hours.

Preparing myself for what was to come.

My journey into Noble Silence had begun.

VIPASSANA - GOENKA STYLE

I could write a novel about my experience while sitting.

But of course, I won't. Not now anyway.

This one is for me.

As it will be for you, when you go.

I had no idea what to expect. I went in intentionally not knowing anything.

To me, it's the only way.

It has to be experienced. There is no amount of intellectual understanding that can truly prepare someone for this journey.

All I knew was that I was determined to come through the other side. To face myself.

I did exactly that.

When I left, I had the same body. Same clothes. The same motorbike waiting for me.

But that was all.

Everything else was gone.

The regret. The shame. The rumination. The feeling of unworthiness. The attachment issues. The restrictions. The rage.

All of it.

In its place: Calm. Peace. Presence. My Ancestors.

And LOVE.

Everything was simply LOVE.

I returned to my friend's place in Ubud and danced for two days straight. I couldn't stop listening to music. As if I were truly hearing it for the first time.

I called my parents and told them everything I'd wished I could ever tell them. Messages to my real father doing the same. Sent messages of love to friends, new and old.

And I spoke to my girlfriend back in Georgia. We talked for hours and hours. Like we were getting to know each other for the first time.

I looked into her eyes and could see only beauty.

Only Love.

The feeling of love is still here, and it has transformed me. It has also changed me on profound levels.

Yet also, beneath all the love and the profound shift, was a falling away. An ego death. The weeks and months following vipassana have been very challenging. A roller coaster. Ego death in slow motion.

The other side of transformation.

There is beauty in this, and grief. Journeys like this change us on profound, cellular levels. Our integration is to accept the impermanence of it all, with equanimity. This means living the teachings and watching as our life propels us forward into unknown territory.

Vipassana shows us the shadows. It gives us the tools. And it is up to ourselves to use the teachings as we wish.

Do we go back to the cravings and aversions? Or do we become something else?

I am choosing to become something else. I am choosing myself. And I am choosing to help others come to a place where this decision is possible.

As this chapter in my life unfolds and transitions into the next, I look at this journey and can say this—

I am truly in my body.

For the first and last time in my life.

My purpose now is to be a guide for you—to answer the question for yourself:

What does it mean to be in my body?

Let's find out.